60 Kilos and a Journey of Small Steps

Today I stepped on to my bathroom scales and saw the most incredible thing. The needle stopped at the number 60. As of that moment in time, I weighed (now weigh) 60 kilos. A quick, pre-coffee calculation and it dawned on me that I had also lost 60 kilos. I was exactly half the weight that I had once been, just sixteen months ago.

After that, my day pretty much carried on like any other day. There was no fanfare, no trumpeting of horns or firework displays, no victory parade. Just a little bit of time alone with my thoughts, to think about what had just happened.

Have you ever had one of those moments in your life where something significant happens and your mind turns your thoughts into a ‘montage of events’, something like a memory sequence out of a movie? Well, that’s more or less what happened to me this morning.

If I was to play that screen montage for you now, this is what you would see.

A woman in her late forties comes to a crossroads in her life. She is faced with many paths and she is standing at the precipice of them all.  She has become heavy over the years, burdened, both physically and mentally. She is finding it difficult to make a decision about which path she should take because the paths behind her have been so tiresome and long that she has lost her way and her strength, both physical and emotional has slowly diminished over time.

There are many things that stop her from taking the first step on to any of the paths before her; not least of these is fear. It is the sort of fear that builds up over time, as confidence, self efficacy and any sense of purpose fade away, the fear grows and becomes all powerful, so that apart from the fear, there is nothing else. And now, she stands frozen to the spot.

There are a few that have remained loyal to the woman and they stand and wait, ready to support her in whatever decision she makes, understanding the whole while that it might be some time before she is ready to make any decision at all. Loyal and faithful, the few wait. 

There is a very dark path ahead that the woman seems to consider for a long time. It seems like an easy one, and not long at all. She knows that if she takes this path that she will need to leave the faithful ones behind and so she decides not to take it. She dismisses this path as an option and, although she glances at the path from time to time when her resolve is low, she does not consider taking it again.

After a long time, she begins to panic. She knows that she must make a decision and that she cannot continue to let the fear manage her thoughts and actions. She knows that she must decide to take one of the remaining paths.

The woman turns to look at the path that brought her to this point in time. It is overgrown and filled with regret and sadness. It is riddled with anger and resentment. She stares at this path for far too long and then, finally, as she turns to face her decision once again, something in her mind starts to become clear. She suddenly knows which way she has to go.

The difference between the path behind her and the one up ahead is that the new path has not yet been walked on. It is not yet overgrown with the weeds of discontent and heartache. It is clear and holds a future that is yet to be written. She decides to take this path.

With that decision, she also decides not to litter this new path with the pain and negative thinking of the past. She decides to make this path a positive one, where she will begin to heal herself, her mind, her body and her soul. She starts to do things that will enable her to get better, physically and emotionally.

She takes the first step on to the new path, and starts to walk. She walks slowly at first, making sure that the path is safe, and with each cautious, tiny step forward, starts to realise that this new path is a good one. She decides to keep going.

Little, by little, the woman starts to make changes in her life. She makes better choices about the things she does. She changes the way she eats, she changes the way she moves and she changes the way she thinks. Little by little, she changes the way she lives. 

Along the way, the woman learns new things about herself. She starts to gain back the confidence that had ebbed away from her and she starts to lose the heaviness that she has carried for such a long time, in her body and in her mind. She becomes lighter and starts to heal.

Little by little, the woman’s steps become more confident, faster, lighter and with much more purpose than ever before. She faces challenges along the way and, as each of these is overcome, little by little, she starts to believe in herself again.

The woman decides that she doesn’t want to leave this new path, and notices that she now has others that are walking along beside her. The faithful few are still there and there are now many more. They too are on a journey of their own but have chosen the same path. Together they discover that if they walk together, they become stronger and are able to encourage each other through each new challenge. The woman takes a great deal of satisfaction in helping people that are new to the path and walks beside them. She also starts to follow those that have been walking on the path for a long time. They know the way and she learns a great deal from their wisdom.

One day, the woman does something that she never believed possible. Slowly at first, one step at a time, the woman begins to run. In the beginning it is a great and difficult challenge, but, encouraged by others on the path, she carries on. Little by little, she runs a bit further each time until one day; she discovers that she is able to do something she never thought she would. She can really run. 

As she runs, she feels a new sense of freedom that is unfamiliar to her. From this simple act, she begins to find an inner strength that, until now, has not featured in her life. She discovers that there is much to be learned from this and embraces it with all her heart.

From time to time, the woman pauses on the path to see where she is going and to reflect on the journey behind her. She can see new challenges ahead and is now able to face them with the confidence and belief in herself that had been so diminished at the crossroads. 

She looks back at the old track and is grateful that she had gathered the strength at last to make the decision to take the new path. She has learned that anything is possible. The weight that she carried in her mind, body and spirit is gone. Now, the only thing for the woman to do is carry on along the good path. 

She knows that she has come too far not to go further and that the path ahead is hers to take, to make of it what she will, to overcome the challenges and gain strength from each one and to just keep going.

The last sixteen months of my journey played out in my mind today and that’s pretty much what it looked like. A scene from a movie like a montage of memories but in real life! From the first part of the story to this point of it, there were 60 kilos. Gone. But it’s not all this woman lost. All the negative thoughts, the bitterness, jealousy and anger of the past is behind her as well. She (I) had a life-changing, transformational experience and there is no going back. 

That moment on the scales this morning was a bit of a big deal for me. I don’t need fanfare, balloons, streamers and fireworks to know that I’ve done a good thing in choosing that good path. I know all the hard work was worth it and if any of you reading this now are considering taking the good path, I will tell you now it will be worth it. Just remember … anything is possible!